Looking back: WHOA!

I’m currently working on my year end review for work. My “year end” was technically June 11th, but we’ve been busy, so it’ll happen tomorrow. The way it works in our office is that the boss generally fills out our “performance review.” I have been told that by boss did fill out one,  and was also asked to fill out one for myself. From my own  perspective.  Three words: It’s. Not. Easy. I don’t want to give myself “meets expectations” because I always think I can do better, learn more, strive for more. So, I’m bending the rules and sometimes checking “meets expectations” AND “needs improvements.” Why? Because I do meet the basic expectations (I suppose), but I want to improve.  I’m having trouble filling out this form (that was probably created by one of my macro/Word/Excel genius coworkers)–which is why it’s almost 11pm on a Thursday night and I am “working.” This is for me, though. It’s not part of the “requirements” for my job. I guess if I didn’t have time to do it (which I didn’t at work–obviously why I’m doing it now), I could not fill one out. But that wouldn’t benefit me. I went through every question, went with my 1st gut thought, and rated myself (through all my schooling I’ve learned to go with the gut feeling in this sort of circumstance). I am now at the “example/explanation” part–and I generally have a lot to say, so my responses are long. I’m mostly done, but dang. This is a crazy, thought-provoking experience–in a really good way. Writing things down is good. Writing things down is key to getting things done, for me at least. Writing things down helps me to secure an honest, open conversation. I remember to mention all my thoughts that way. And I can look back and reminisce on what was. I use moleskin notebooks at work and I write ALL over them. All different colors. Mismatched handwriting-some scribble, some doodles, some really neat (when I’m feeling super organized for a few minutes).  These are my thoughts. My “to-dos.” My “remember to put such and such on the calendar and call so and so back.” They’re fun to look back on. I think I’ll always keep this review–so in 15 years I can look back at what once was and consider how it brought me to that day. Hm. Wonder what I’ll be doing in 15 years?

And I was going to write a lot more…but I’m falling asleep. So I shall finish up in the morning. And maybe finish the rest of the post. Happy Friday!

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