This…is John’s side of the story. My side is still here (and has nothing to do with Jedi powers or such things). If you know John, you will not be surprised. If you don’t–this is my [sarcastic] fiance John.
I woke up on Wednesday morning at my usual time of 4:30am, excited for the day to come. As I do every day, I ran 6 miles to the gym, worked out for an hour, ran home, and then prepared breakfast. Breakfast always consists of fresh tropical fruit like bananas and coconuts that I get fresh by climbing the trees and harvesting these delights after my morning workout.
I only had about an hour before work so I read the Wall Street Journal and New York Times but I was only able to get through half of the local paper. I arrived at work and spent the first part of the morning negotiating peace in the Middle East and then solved the BP oil crisis (Yes…both of these problems are solved. However, there is a lack of persons sufficiently skilled to implement my plans. The CIA, KGB and other organizations are actively looking for personnel. And yes, there is still a KGB…don’t be fooled.).
I then went to meet with Anne and Durwood and performed various feats to demonstrate physical skill, mental acuity and overall brilliance of personality as argument for why they should allow me to marry their only daughter. Finally, after several demonstrations of prestidigitation which left them awed and amazed, they said yes and I began the final preparations.
I finished my day at work with a call from the Dali Lama asking me for some advice. I hated to cut him off but I was on a schedule. I purchased some grapes and some fresh sand and I threw the sand in my home furnace to melt whilst squeezing the grapes into a pressure vat (something I invented. Causes advanced fermentation and carbonation in a very brief amount of time) which I then engaged to create the champagne. While waiting for the champagne to be ready, I pulled the sand (now melted to glass) out of the furnace and blew out a nice little bottle. I had barely enough time to cool the bottle, fill it, cork it and chill it before Sara arrived.
When Sara got there, we went to the beach and I was able to sneak the champagne and glasses into a backpack but I was still trying to figure out how I would do it all. I eventually decided that I would utilize my vast psychological training and JEDI mind powers to get Sara to want to see what was in the bag. So I began utilizing subtle tricks to increase her curiosity about the bag and eventually caused her to insist that I show her what was in the bag (by the way, she does not know that I was in control the whole time and using mind tricks on her so please let’s keep this between us and not tell her).
Whilst still using my JEDI powers, I waved my hand in front of her face and said “This is the man you want. Marry him. You want to say yes.” She repeated “This is the man I want…I will marry him…Yes.”
And I was stoked.
And the rest is history…well…our story. J