Amongst this “photography blog” you will find personal entries – this site is a morphing of who I am personally and who I am professionally. The two are most definitely intertwined, and so I share both my thoughts and my photos here with you.
In some ways, not writing is sort of a relief – it’s easier, at least. In many ways, though, it’s inhibiting and creates a void that I know needs to be filled. I enjoy writing. I get it honestly. My dad writes often (I guess a lot of writing comes with preaching, naturally, but I’m talking outside his sermon-writing), and while we might not be the most scholarly writers around, we both enjoy writing out our thoughts. My favorite part about his writing is that it’s more like storytelling. It ebbs and flows and tells a story. Much like a novel, all the details need not be present to allow the reader to feel what is being written. You can imagine what isn’t in word-form. It’s quite a skill, if you ask me. I would love this writing skill. A big part of my photography is storytelling, and I’d love to hone in on both the capturing and the recording aspect of that. My husband is also a writer – right now mostly of the “scholarly” type (hello Ph.D program that I would never be able to do), but he also has quite the collection of song lyrics and poems. Thankfully, unlike what my husband writes these days, what I write will never have to be graded and critiqued by an APA editor, so there isn’t any pressure and aren’t any deadlines.
I say this because I’ve slacked on the blog front (I guess that’s why? ha). Big time. Big, big time. I attribute most of the reasoning to the fact that being pregnant=iamtiredallthetime. A few people told me I’d get energy back during my 2nd trimester. I’m 27 weeks and – ta da – false – no energy. I’m still working full time, so once I get home and we have dinner, the last thing I want to do is pop open my computer and bang on the keys. Lillie (we’ve named the baby) doesn’t like when I have my computer on my lap anyway. I’m sure she can feel the heat. So, I’ve listened to my tired body (and my active, kicking baby), and have spent MUCH less time on the computer the past 2 months. I’m pretty sure I blogged about the desire to spend more time present at home (rather than on my computer) back in January or so – and suffice to say, I’ve, er, continued to do that. For reasons other than intention. Any leftover energy I have at the end of the day is spent doing routine house chores. Laundry, tidying, doing kid related stuff, etc. Throw a bit of getting-ready-for-baby, and I’m spent. Waaaa, waaaa, right? Yep. I hear ya. I feel like a whiner. I’ve blogged a few business-related posts (I have the most wonderful clients, ever), and that’s about it. So I haven’t been writing much, and while it’s surely been easier, there’s a void that I’ve gotta fill. And fill, I will.
I took an inventory of personal photos last night – there is one preggo photo from February. That is it, at least all I found. Nothing else. None of my husband and me. None of the kids. None of my brother’s birthday weekend (I forgot my camera then…). I felt guilty. Really, really guilty. I have a costly camera and a love for photos – the least I can do is provide my family with some photographic memories for years to come. I also felt sad, sad because there are so many memories that won’t be recorded in a photo album or on a blog. And I’ve decided that it can’t happen again. So this evening, I will take some photos. Taking photos gives me energy, so maybe it’ll be just what I need to get some extra stuff done tonight. Here’s to hoping. And here’s to promising I’ll share a few photos here.
In other news….
A good friend from college graciously offered to throw me a baby shower – so in two weeks I’ll be traveling up to Atlanta with my mom to attend my first baby shower. If I could put the excitement I feel about seeing my friends in words, I would, trust me. It sort of sums up to a bunch of capital letters (to show enthusiasm, duh!) and lots of exclamation marks. I CANNOT WAIT!! Hugging the necks of women I hold near and dear to my heart – some I lived with during college, some I played tennis with, some my Kappa Delta sisters – all I will never, ever forget – will be so glorious. I probably will cry. At least once. Sharing this moment of time in my life with special friends that I love and hardly EVER get to see– it will be so special. Some of us will be reunited (in person – Facebook and/or text messaging doesn’t count here) for the first time in over three years. I am giddy thinking about it. The shower is all of 2 hours long, and I know it won’t be long enough. I remember the last time I saw most of them – at my lingerie shower in Atlanta in October of 2010. It was very overwhelming. A room filled with people I loved, and I knew I would only be seeing them for just over an hour. I wasn’t sure how to act, so I sad quietly, watching and listening. Paying attention to the smiles that got me through tough times in college – and listening to the laughter that brightened so many moments. It’s weird. There are a few minutes from that shower that are ingrained in my mind. I will never forget them. A room full of people I love. Loving each other. Enjoying each other’s company. I was in the background of it all, and around people I normally wouldn’t be awkward around (I’m really an introvert…) – I just sat. And observed. I think people worried that I wasn’t having fun, but I’ll tell you what – taking in those moments that I did – meant more to me than anything else. I could have been bouncing around, screaming about the joy I felt – but my heart was so overwhelmed. The joy I felt inside could not be put into words or actions. And maybe the fact that I was about to open scandalous undergarments in front of everyone might have been a bit awkward, but never mind that.
While I know I’ll be overwhelmed in a similar way in two weeks, I am in a different place today. For one thing, I’ll want to be up and eating. Ha! Just kidding (sort of….not really). I want photos. Lots and lots and lots of photos. I won’t be able to take them, so I’ll probably enlist Danielle and others to do so, but I want photos of the moments. I am not remembering things very well these days (I blame it on the pregnancy only ‘cause I can), and I want to always remember the sweet women who helped welcome Lillie into this world. I want to one day show her the strong women that stand around me in life, and explain to her the power of friendship and the bonds that tie so much of the thread of life together. I want to be able to show her the faces of the women that have made and continue to make a difference in my life, and be able to tell her why and how. The gifts that will be given to her will be graciously appreciated, but I want them to matter the least. I want to begin to weave a story of the importance of friendships and what a difference simply loving and caring about others can make in her life. Strong women. Hear us roar.
And then, in April, I’ll gather in a house with different women, and I’ll tell you all about them then.
There are lots of special moments coming up. Moments I want to record and remember for Lillie. I can’t believe she’ll be here in less than 3 months. How quickly time flies, and how little I have done. Ha! I have managed to keep a little weekly diary of my pregnancy. I forget some of the things I wrote at the beginning of my pregnancy – it’s so fun to go back and read – and I am so glad I’ll have something to always remember these moments by. I write as if I am writing to Lillie – maybe one day she’ll be able to appreciate the words, but I’m pretty sure I’m mostly doing this for me, and I’m quite alright with that.
I’ll be back…
3/13 edit:I took some photos last night. You can see them here.